What if the person you were in love with told you they had herpes?

[bradpierson]

I'm 25 and I fell in love with this girl. She is so amazing genuine and we talked for hours. We got so close she trusted me and told me about her having herpes. I am freaking out and just like in denial. I mean its hard not to be shallow because I dont have it. She saids its dormant but I done research to the point it grosses me out. What are you guy's opinions?

[2006]

I see that you wrote this post a few weeks ago, and I'm not sure if you're still seeing this girl.  However, I also see that over 100 people have viewed this message, and no one commented...so I will.  I am a female, and I've had genital herpes for almost 3 years now.  I am certainly not an expert in the love department, nor am I an expert on this disease.  Additionally, I never had a boyfriend sit me down and tell me that he had herpes.  Though I would like to think that I would have been open minded if he had. 

Nevertheless, this is what I know.

1. She cared enough about you to inform you of her condition.
2. She trusted you enough with this very sensitive, personal information.
3. It doesn't change who she is as a person.  She is still the girl with whom you fell in love.

I understand that the virus scares you (please think of how scared she is as well), but I woulnd't write her off just yet.  Being scared is a natural reaction to hearing such information, as is "being grossed out".  But my recommendation to you, is to take it slow.  If you're not physical with her, then you aren't at risk.  Continue to get to know her, and then make the decision if this is something you are willing to work with.

Sincerely,
2006

[Unmarried Mommy]

I am glad that you can still admit that you love this woman still.  I don't have the answer for you but as a woman who was diagnosed only 8 short months ago, I can empathize with your 'grossed out' feeling and her scared position.  Good luck with deciding.

When I was diagnosed I told myself NO MORE.  No more sex.  I am single and was thoroughly repulsed that I contracted an STD, one that had no end in sight.  I wouldn't wish this condition on anyone.  But on the flip side, I have yet to have another symptomatic reoccurrence and am on Valtrex.

I recently met a wonderful, butterflies-in-my-stomach oh Lord could this be the one, man.  In order to self sabbatoge, I told him after our first night of kissing.  I figured he would walk away (or run).  He hasn't.  We talked about the symptoms and how if we got to that point, that we would be safe.  I gave him the information that I knew and said that we could go to visit my doctor when we arrived at that point.  BUT it would definitely have to be a monogomous relationship and he would have to assume the risk.

My nightmare is that we fall in love, reach the point that we are sexually active and he vomits after having sex with me or scrubs his skin with sandpaper after laying next to me.  That is my nightmare.  And if that is the case, I pray that he walks away now....

I don't know the answer but I do know that you have to assume the risk.  Even educated and extra measures, you are still walking into a potential transmission.  Are you able to not resent her if that happens?  Are you able to move onto another relationship if this doesn't work out and you do contract Herpes?  Ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself and your love.  She will appreciate your honesty....

[singlestill]

I have been living with this for over 4 years and it is still difficult.  I think you should take your time and get to know each other.  If you really love her and are aware of what you are getting yourself into then continue with the relationship.  Trust me, it was not easy for her to tell you and she obviously cares about your well being.

[helena81]

I have had herpes for a number of years now and I wish I was given the choice that this girl has given you.  Honestly, you have a greater chance of contracting herpes from someone who doesn't know they have it  since the stat is 1 in 4 adults have it and don't know.  Since she told you, if you choose to be intimate with her, at least you can take precautions that you might not have thought to take.  The risk of trasmission is low if you take precautions. But lets say worse case scenario, you contract it from her...its an annoyance at worst. Its a non-lifethreatening skin condition. If you love her as you say you do there are definately worse things in life.