How do we deal with “Life Changing
Events”? Generally it depends on the situation at
hand.
The birth of a child usually brings
celebration; a graduation from High School or
College? Again – a celebration and maybe feelings of
anticipation about what the future might bring.
Moving into a new house? Mixed emotions most
probably concerning how the payments will be made if
some unforeseeable hard times occur along with
feelings of excitement, accomplishment and pride.
What if the life changing events are
very different in nature? In our lifetime, we most
certainly change jobs; experience a tense job or
home situations for one reason or another. We will
likely lose friends and loved ones to illness or
accident. Our lives may be changed or altered that
call for adjustments to be made to continue living
the life as closely to that which we were living
before the change occurred. These life alterations
are what we will concentrate on in this article.
The life-changing event of being
diagnosed with a sexually transmitted
disease (STD) need only require alterations
such as educating ourselves in hopes of continuing
life as we have known it. It may help to know the
author of this paper is also infected with genital
herpes. It was believed that my life would never be
the same. It is not. It is better. As most things,
it takes time and I hope to give you a more clear
definition of the acronym
STD to
encourage your healing and provide
support.
S = STOP!
The phrase “That which does not kill
us will only make us stronger” has never been more
true than with a diagnosis of a sexually transmitted
infection. The social stigma alone can cause great
emotional stress. This unspoken yet apparent social
stigma and general perception is that those who
contract an STI (sexually transmitted
infection) are probably promiscuous,
unclean and uneducated or maybe they even deserved
it. There is a sort of “Children of a Lesser God”
mindset. Now that we have an STD we are less than we
were before? This couldn’t be further from the
truth, but nonetheless, seems to be an overwhelming
and shared feeling for the newly diagnosed. That is
why we must immediately STOP all thoughts of this
sort. It would seem that the moment a diagnosis of
an STD is given that time stops. Many have the
perception that everything in life will now be
measured from that point on as “Before Herpes” or
“After Herpes”. STOP! Stop and consider that it is
not surprising that STDs infect so many people when
most everyone does engage in sex. It is a normal
part of life. Sex to humans, is as natural as
eating, breathing and sleeping. In a study by the
Kaiser Foundation and the American Health
Association (ASHA) there are more than 15 million
will be diagnosed with STD’s every year. So as you
can see “You are not Alone”. For the millions in the
Herpes and HPV Community there are ASHA Help Groups
in nearly every state that will help understand this
rather unwelcome life change with Certified Help
Group Coordinators and friends to answer questions
and assist in shouldering the burden an STD
diagnosis can bring. There are many Online groups
where you can find friends in your area or globally.
One more point to ponder! The national standard is 1
in 4 people have herpes. There are 4 Presidents on
the face of Mount Rushmore. You are certainly not
alone and you are also in good company!
T = THINK
Although it is hard for someone newly
diagnosed to understand, it has been said by some
that herpes made them a better, more responsible
person. The root of this may be akin to a woman
giving birth at a young age. She may be thankful
because she became more grounded at an early age.
There is however, no less a responsibility to living
with a new child or living with an STD. Both
require responsibility and attention. During your
adjustment time with herpes I ask you to consider
this as a time of retrospect, a time to THINK. In an
article found at www.herpes.org “Herpes a Powerful
Tool” it is stated “where else can you have
something such as an internal mechanism that will
give indications of when you are run down, tired,
becoming ill, or stressing?” This is done through a
person’s individual symptoms or prodrome which can
be anything from a burning in the thigh area to a
tingle, itching or slight burning in the genital
area. Recurrences of outbreaks of genital herpes
usually involve some “triggers”. This is a time to
focus on just what actually triggers your outbreaks.
Target the things in your life that stress you, make
you worry or upset and find ways to adjust them,
approach them differently or avoid them all
together. You may need to take some time and simply
think of yourself and consider the overall big
picture. There are many people living full and
successful lives with an
STD and
you can be one more! It may be that having herpes
gave these people reason to think about ways to
succeed. They took the time to stop and think about
the their future.
D = DECIDE
Events in our lives give it
structure, substance and meaning. These events will
either become a strong foundation upon which life is
built or the rubble we dig from under. After we have
overcome the shock of an
STD diagnosis,
grown in understanding the virus and have taken the
time to think about how we will let it affect us,
the next step is to continue on and make decisions
about “What next?” Being wounded is a universal
experience and being wounded brings about questions
and oftentimes, doubts. DECIDE how you will approach
and begin healing these wounds. Will you be the
master of your destiny or become detached and unable
to get beyond these debilitating moments? Liberate
yourself from those fears that can and will hold you
back. Don’t give this STD the power to affect your
self- image. Decide for yourself how you will let
this STD affect your life and do not let it be a
complication. STDs are often much less threatening
than conditions people are diagnosed with every day
such as asthma, cancer or even eczema! Decide that
you are fortunate because most STDs do not have to
be debilitating or lessen your life unless you let
it. You have an STD – it doesn’t have you!
S – Stop and learn. Wisdom comes.
T – Think. Truth evolves.
D - Decide. Knowledge lingers.
Life is not over. It has just begun –
again.
