Dating others with Herpes.

Dating Someone with Herpes

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Dating others with Herpes.Has someone you’re dating revealed to you that they have herpes? Not sure what to do or where to go from here?

Here’s a bit of advice:

If you are not ready to take the risk yet then don’t.

Next keep in mind that you certainly do not have to sleep with this person anytime soon, so doing a little research to become more familiar with the topic is highly advised. Once you’ve done your own investigating into herpes and recognize the risk, you’ll be able to make a more informed decision as well as having taken the time to know whether this person is worth that risk or not.

The risk of contracting herpes is relatively high, even when dating within the general population, so that’s something you might want to consider. With as many as 90% of those who live with herpes not knowing they have it and possess the ability to transmit it, in some cases, you may be at lesser risk of contracting it from someone who knows they have it and recognize their symptoms and outbreaks completely.

There are ways in which the person who has herpes can help to reduce the risk of transmission to the non-infected partner such as proper condom use, abstaining from sexual activity during outbreaks and taking suppressive therapy Valtrex. Valtrex has been studied and has been found to reduce the risk of transmission by as much as 73%. That’s relatively high if you consider this person knows their body and can take all aspects of the virus into consideration when avoiding sexual activity that may pose greater risk.

One thing that MUST be considered when making your decisions is have you been properly tested? Not just the run of the mill STD screen, because those are not complete in most cases. Check with your doctor to see exactly what you have been tested for and request that you be tested with type specific herpes tests.

Once your results are back, you will know all details of the playing field and how best to approach this particular situation.

I’d strongly recommend never brushing off a relationship that could have rewarding potential on the grounds of a herpes infection alone. Had my husband done that, we’d never have gotten married and had the strong relationship we have today.

In the majority of cases I’ve seen, people who live with herpes and disclose this information to potential partners were not the ones who were deceptive when contracting it. In a large number of cases, these honest people are the ones who were deceived and should not be penalized further for having fallen victim to the desires to be loved.

  1. RobertRobert04-20-2012

    Well what do I do if my female partner lied to me and didn’t tell me. I found out when a cold sore developed on her lip. She said it’s a form of herpes but I shouldn’t worry. We’ve have sex, orally at times, and I’m sure when her cold sores developed before I stopped kissing her. I broke up with her mainly because she told me she was disease free and then a cold sore gave her away. When I say what do I do now, I mean legally. I intend on getting tested but what rights of mine have been violated. I need help.

    • MarkusMarkus04-21-2012

      Hello Robert,

      Thank you for visiting and for your question. Unfortunately, I’m not a lawyer so what I have to say should not be construed as legal advice or opinion, only the perspective of a layman. There are a couple of points that would need to be clarified and the rest is likely to be pretty complex.

      Oral HSV-1, if that is what she had (vs. Oral HSV-2), is a sort of gray area with respect to STD’s – for a few different reasons: a) it is among the least life-threatening diseases, b) it seems that a majority of people actually have HSV-1 (estimates ranging upwards of 60%; with 16% or so for HSV-2), c) and that HSV-1 can be transmitted to any part of the body… not just oral, but to genitals, fingers, back or chest, etc. Many people with Herpes are asymptomatic – don’t have physically visible symptoms, and really a lot of people do have Herpes and do not know it…

      In virtually all States, one is required to inform their partner if they have a communicable disease. That is the principal “right” violated here.

      So, from there, while most prosecutors would have no problem going after someone who knowingly, or even though negligence by not telling a partner, transmitted AIDS/HIV — that’s not likely to be the case with HSV/Herpes. You would need to refer to the specific laws in your state then to see what recourse you would have via Civil action as they vary from state to state.

      In this regard, I think what you would be looking at is establishing a “preponderance of evidence” that your ex-partner transmitted herpes to you, that you didn’t have it before contact with her, and these kinds of details. Beyond this, I don’t have the qualifications to advise further.

      I’m don’t think this provides much specific help or information for you, but within a legal context, a lot does come down to the specifics.

      I wish you the best.


  2. richard grichard g05-23-2012

    i have been dating a young women who disclosed that she has hsv-2. she takes valtrex daily and has not had any outbreaks in over a year or so. we have not had intercourse in nearly a year due to my concern with becoming infected primarily due to shedding. having only basic and innacurate information regarding herpes prior to meeting this young lady my anxiety level about how contagious herpes can be raised my anxiety level as well as need to be safe. When we were active we always used condems and i was tested for the disease to make sure i was not infected and tested negative. Will using some type of barrier/coverage over my skin or both of our skin during intercourse be an effective way to prevent against shedding?

  3. Chardonnay JayChardonnay Jay05-23-2012

    I have this post bookmarked, It really helps remind me the steps to take to keep my partners safe.

  4. Kyala JayKyala Jay07-18-2012

    I met a guy around last year and we clicked immediately and before we started talking seriously he told me he had herpes; for a split second i was heart broken and thought about how I’d been saving myself and waiting for love all this time and the one person i fall head over heels with tells me that but something inside me told me not to let go and love him regardless and we’ve been happy but sometimes I wonder am I crazy lol

  5. slgslg08-27-2012

    Quick question. Will using a sperm donor who has herpes result in infection of either mother or child?

  6. nikkinikki08-28-2012

    email me please

  7. SteveSteve10-17-2012

    Someone I have been dating has recently disclosed to me that she has genital herpes. We haven’t had sex yet but I have manually stimulated her vagina in the past. I did not touch my genitals or face and I even washed my hands with hot water and soap afterwards. She has said that she hasn’t had a breakout in 10 years but I am worried if I still could have been infected? Please help me.

  8. RachelRachel11-26-2012

    First of all having been recently diagnosed with herpes as a result of rape all of this stuff is so depressing. Every guy i read about online is practically talking about how they scrub their hands with scalding water & bleach after like touching their infected girlfriends panties. Really makes me not want to tell prospective guys that i’ve been infected. Just saying if your going to date a girl with it you need to chill out and not treat her like a disease factory, im sure you didnt wash your hands after fingering all the girls you hooked up with in college but chances are at least one of them had it too depending on how many girls youve been with possibly more. I understand that a lot of people don’t want to take the risk but we’re all people here and it could happen to anyone. Try to have a little compassion boys!

  9. candace beckcandace beck02-25-2013

    i have herpies virius i have been infected for at least 72 hours in im now taking medicine for it today what else can you tell me about my std so i can make people aware that i have contract with physically n sexually ?

  10. sex offender registriessex offender registries04-21-2013

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