This tale began when Rusty and I were just 10 years old.  I was a very shy girl who had started a new school.  Rusty was a little boy who was never one to make fun of people but rather tried to be a friend to everyone.  For the next six years we would attend the same school and would grow from playground playmates to teenagers.

I had always been made fun of in school for looking different than everyone else.  I was cursed with thick glasses, long stringy hair, basically just a shy little geek girl who was doing nothing but trying to find her place in the world.  The summer I turned 16 I asked my parents for a simple makeover that would take away the pain of looking in a mirror.

The makeover worked and several boys noticed, but only one mattered.  Rusty finally saw me as something more than just a girl he had grown up with.  That summer I turned 16 was the best summer I could remember in all my school years.  It was the summer of my first kiss and my first love.  That summer turned into fall and a return to school.  Later in the school year that summer teen romance would come to an end and my heart would be broken for the first time.  Though it was the most painful experience of my life at that time, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing my childhood playmate, my lifelong friend.  Through the remainder of school, Rusty and I would remain friends.  As painful as it was to see him date other girls, it was the price I was willing to pay for remaining his friend.

After graduation, as most kid’s do, everyone went their separate ways…

...Forward to 1990

Though I had moved to Indianapolis and away from the small farming community I had grown up in, I kept tabs on those I went to school with by taking the local papers.  Desert Storm had erupted.   I watched the papers daily to see what schoolmates I had being sent overseas.   I will never forget the day I read in the paper that my first love was being sent to the front lines in war that had begun.  I watched the papers everyday to keep watch and prayed for his safe return home.  I phoned his family a couple of times to check on him, just needing some reassurance that he was ok.

The war was over, he returned home safely and it was then that I found out he had gotten married while he was stationed in Germany.  I thought to myself what a lucky woman she was and continued on with my life just happy he was safe.

...Forward to Fall 2002

On a lazy October day, I found myself wallowing in my own desperation of singleness and began to browse the ads on various online dating sites.  While I was online under my alias username, someone sent me a message.  As soon as I opened the message I knew who it was and my heart raced.  Obviously from the message he sent, he didn’t recognize my photo, but then again who would?  I was far more confident and tanned in that photo and frankly, I was much happier in appearance than I had been nearly 20 years ago.

I responded immediately with a little message saying “ummm I think we already know each other…” of course his response questioned my observation and conversation moved from email to the phone once I had revealed my identity.

During our very first conversation, Rusty asked me what I was doing these days.  Of course I couldn’t hide the last 5 plus years of my life as a Herpes Patient Advocate so I told him the whole story, my H status among everything else he had questioned me about.

Personally I thought the conversation went very well, but then he never called back, so I moved on with my slightly bruised ego and tried to push the obvious rejection aside.

...Forward to Spring 2003

While setting in my home office early morning that next spring, as the breeze was blowing through the open windows I heard someone pull into the drive.  I assumed it was someone looking to speak with my uncle or my dad who were out working about the farm.  I heard a man’s voice ask if I was home.  I hurried upstairs to brush through my hair and make myself presentable.  I walked to the door to take a look out to see who was here.  I stood and blinked a few times to make sure my eyes were not deceiving me.  It was my first love!  My heart raced like never before.  I opened the door just hoping my knees would not give out and walked out to the breezeway where he and I would set and talk for hours.

As it turned out, he had the same belief that so many have when it comes to the topic of herpes.  He honestly believed that if he were to become involved with me there would be no way we could be intimate with each other without him absolutely contracting herpes.  Once he had the chance to conduct his own research and talk to knowledgeable family members, he realized the risk was quite small in comparison to the rewards he was likely missing out on.

Over the next three hours we would catch up on everything that had taken place over the last 18 years.  We talked about our children; about our horrible marriages and about the horrifying dating experiences we have both had since high school.
 

He looked at the time and had to get going to work at his families business.  He asked if the boys and I would come over and join him for lunch.  We did and the visit turned into another two hours of talking.  When I got ready to leave, Rusty asked me if he could take me out on a real date, “one without chaperones and curfews like we had known so many years ago.”  I smiled and accepted and parted with a hug.

The weekend of our date rolled around, he showed up early which was something I certainly was not used to and we headed out to a party some friends of his from work were having.  The whole night I was anxious to know if the first kiss I had ever known was really as good as I remembered.  While talking to some of his friends, he walked over and put his arm around me.  At that very instant I felt a surge go through my body that told me I was home!   When he took me home he ended the date with a kiss.  My heart racing, I realized the first kiss was exactly as I remembered.

...Forward to August 2003

After spending the entire summer together and spending time with our kids doing all sorts of family activities, Rusty and I realized that we loved each other so much; we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  We talked it over with our parents first, who are so excited they began planning a wedding before we had a chance to set a date.

We realized that to some, this all would seem rather sudden, but to us, it’s been many years coming.  We were there as each others personalities and temperaments were developing, so there is very little about each of us that would or could surprise the other.

On November 15, 2003
I married my best friend, my first love and God willing, my last love

Update:  December 2004

Well we’ve been married a little over a year now and although many times have been tough with Rusty losing his job and his back surgery, this year has given us much more in return.

Because of that back surgery, we have been able to spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week together and you know, I still like being around him.  That’s a huge feat for me personally!  I always did have somewhat of a loner personality.

Rusty and I have the ability to talk about most everything.  We discuss, we don’t argue!  My boys love him so much they are now calling him “dad” and in return, Rusty is coaching their little leagues, participating in school functions with them and so much more.  And most importantly, we have come through one full year of being “newlyweds” (if you know what I mean) and Rusty is still free of the Herpes Virus.  So it CAN happen!

Rusty and I are both committed to helping others who might be in the same situation we were once in.  If there is anything we can do to help put a mind at ease, we will.  Should you meet someone who doesn’t have H and they would like to talk with us, we’d be more than happy to help out.  Feel free to drop us an email --

Update:  June 2005

A couple of months ago, I discovered a lump in my breast.  During the stress of having to undergo tests and mammograms, I neglected to realize just how low I had gotten on my antiviral medication.  This is the only thing I can attribute to the fact that Rusty did indeed contract herpes.

Following all the tests and stress that go along with it, the results were in and I was perfectly healthy.  Well that night, as many couples would, Rusty and I celebrated.

As best I can figure, since my outbreaks are linked to stress, is that perhaps my body became challenged and forced into a shedding period because I didn't show any signs of an outbreak whatsoever.

When Rusty revealed to me that he had contracted herpes, I felt so bad.  However, he on the other hand being the comic relief that he is, informed me that I could no longer use "THAT" as an excuse.  He said in all honesty that he was glad it was over so now we can get on with the rest of our lives.

He will often joke about how we now have "His and Her-pes"

UPDATE January 2007 -

Rusty, the kids and I have moved into a new house and just celebrated our first Christmas in our brand new home.

Everyone is doing great - We're still a couple with herpes and we still swear by the powers of Dynamiclear and H-Balm.  We keep both in our medicine cabinets at all times.  In fact, we're just about to order a new bottle - seems the holidays and the stress that goes with them took it's toll on both Rusty and myself.  Thank goodness we were well stocked going into the holiday season :)